One year I decided that an “April Fool’s Joke” was actually a creepy little story that might or might not involve someone being tricked. I came up with a few tweets before bed and started posting them first thing in the morning. I’ve collected them all below.
April fool’s joke: Everything is funny in this room. The air is thick and Mike is turning blue but you laugh and cough and blink back tears.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: Dave should have known. Sheila replaced his blood with gasoline in the night. That last cigarette was worth it, though.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: The machines do not not understand feelings. Can they drink your feelings? Are those feelings dribbling on the floor?
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: Gary does not see them coming. The bees can smell his bones. Before long, he is honeycomb.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: We can tell you are not listening, so we’ve replaced your sense of smell with hearing. Do you smell that loud and clear?
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: You’ll laugh when the realization hits you. It’ll race up your spine like electricity and you’ll just know.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: Time runs faster than ever inside the pocket universe where Jerry hides from the world, but soon enough they’ll be dead.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: The buzzing won’t stop. When you asked Pete about it he looked at you funny, but this knife will take care of everything.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: In Harbortown, walk on walls every Tuesday. Rent wings for those Friday night flights! Unearthly glow not included.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: Wanda has to get out of this house. Last night she caught the curtains sniffing her hair. It’s not so cute any more.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: Squirrels have always known how to speak English, they’re just very private. Now they’re teaching the dogs.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: Old wives tell you about the black hole in your heart. Old wives know these things. Old wives are on the event horizon.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014
April fool’s joke: Old wives’ tails are prehensile and covered with spines. They hold you in place, firm but gentle, while the poison works.
— Jeff James (@unsquare) April 1, 2014