Noises in the Night

I originally posted this on Twitter on the night of May 17th, 2022, but I’ve since turned on a tweet-deleting app that blew away most of the thread, so the following is a recreation for the sake of posterity.

Tonight we heard the strangest sounds coming from the garage. We have an air purifier that we run in the bedroom for white noise so it drowned them out at first, but they sounded like muffled voices.

The voices cut in and out suddenly, but they were loud and I would swear they were coming from right behind our heads as we lay in bed.

I turned off the purifier and the sounds stopped, of course. Still, I went outside to investigate. We share the garage with our landlord, so I opened it up and poked around on both sides, but didn’t see anything obvious.

Grabbed a flashlight and walked around the other side of the house, which backs up to the neighbor’s yard, but nobody was outside. Our house doesn’t have a connecting wall or anything, but maybe people talking could carry in a weird way?

Gave up and went back inside, and as soon as I did, the sounds started back up again. This time, though, they were different.

Now it sounded like a woman moaning theatrically, like loud, pornographic sex. And then it cut off just as suddenly.

I’ve had loud neighbors before. I’ve heard loud sex out of someone’s window late at night, but we don’t have any neighbors like that at our current place. The sounds seemed increasingly unlikely.

I had a new theory, though, so I grabbed the flashlight again and went back outside. I didn’t want to have to worry about these inexplicable sounds in the middle of the night.

I opened up the garage again and went to my landlord’s half where he keeps his workbench, and sure enough, there it was:

His Bluetooth speaker, still plugged in, little light blinking. He’s out of town right now, but he forgot to turn it off, see, and someone must have decided to try connecting to it for shits and giggles.

So, naturally, they played porn over a stranger’s speakers at 10:30 at night and we thought our house was haunted.