Untitled Dialogue #1

Last night, as I lay in bed preparing for sleep, a bit of dialogue was running through my head, so I decided that I had better write it down to make sure it didn't go away.

30 minutes later, I had the scene below. Enjoy!

EXT. ROOF - DAY

Two men - MAN A and MAN B - stand at the edge of a roof and look off into the distance. They make no effort to conceal themselves.

MAN A

Yesterday some man on the street told me that I was "making a mockery" of what I "stand for". How can I make a mockery of it when I don't even know what I stand for?

MAN B

For that matter, how could he know what you stood for?

MAN A

Exactly! Besides, I was just standing there.

MAN B

Maybe you got him confused. Maybe he meant that you were making a mockery of what he stood for, id est, what he actually said was "You're making a mockery of what I stand for!"

MAN A

...No, no... that doesn't sound right. In any case, I wasn't mocking anything, I was just standing.

MAN B

What if the act of standing was mockery in and of itself? Was he in a wheelchair? I could see how someone in a wheelchair might get sensitive about those sort of things... standing and the like.

MAN A

No, no, he was standing perfectly well.... he was wearing pants, mind you, so he may have had a wooden leg under there, or prosthetics. It's amazing... the things they can do with prosthetics.

MAN B

Quite amazing. I saw a television special once...

MAN A

Wait! Shh....

MAN B

What?

MAN A

Is that him?

MAN B

Him... who?

MAN A

You know... Him.

MAN B

Is that... particular inflection and timbre of your voice meant to tell me something more than when you said it the first time?

MAN A

...HIM.

MAN B

Oh. You mean HIM. ...It's... hard to tell from here. Binoculars?

MAN A

Here.

MAN B

They're all smudged. What did you do, look with your fingers?

MAN A

Never mind that. Is it Him?

MAN B

Decidedly not. It is a woman with a cocker-spaniel.

MAN A

A cocker-spaniel?

MAN B

Decidedly.

MAN A

How could I confuse the two?

MAN B

It's quite a far distance.

MAN A

No, no, that is unacceptable.

MAN B

Also, it's foggy and... the fog is... omnipresent as well as being rather greenish. Decidedly sinister.

MAN A

Why do you keep saying "decidedly"?

MAN B

It's a good word. I'm trying to return it to popular use.

MAN A

Ah.

MAN B

Hmm?

MAN A

I said "Ah". I really have no other response than that. Simply "Ah".

MAN B

Ah.

MAN A

We were talking about something, weren't we?

MAN B

Him!

MAN A

What?

MAN B

Him! Over there! Here, take a look!

Hands him the binoculars.

MAN A

Yes! It's Him!

MAN B

Excellent! Hand me the gun.

MAN A

Gun. Check.

MAN B

Loaded?

MAN A

Just now.

MAN B

Keep an eye on him. Is anyone watching?

MAN A

The streets are clear. Completely.

MAN B

Alright. One. Two. Three, and....

A shot.

MAN A

...Nicely done.

MAN B

Thank you.

MAN A

Took the top of his head right off, I think.

MAN B

He was wearing a hat.

MAN A

Well, yes, but there was a lot of blood.

MAN B

Let me see.

MAN A

Here.

MAN B

Mmmm. Decidedly so.

MAN A

Has anyone seen?

MAN B

No. The streets are completely clear, just like you said.

MAN A

Well, I mean... someone will notice soon enough, won't they?

MAN B

I suppose so.

A pause.

MAN A

How long should we give it?

MAN B

Give what?

MAN A

Well, I mean... how long should we wait?

MAN B

Wait until what? You're being much too vague!

MAN A

...I'll vague you!

MAN B

...You're being entirely senseless.

MAN A

It was a threat nonetheless. Think about it further and you'll find the threat.

MAN B

Find the threat! Hah!

A pause.

MAN A

I think it would be terrible.

MAN B

What, dying? Most likely.

MAN A

Well, yes and no. Dying would be bad, but dying alone with no-one to notice would be worse.

A pause.

MAN B

We noticed.

MAN A

Take us out of the equation.

MAN B

Well, yes, that sum comes out to zero.

MAN A

Zero. Exactly.

A pause.

MAN A

Perhaps we should tell someone.

MAN B

Tell someone?

MAN A

Well, we could make a discreet call...

MAN B

If we give it enough time, someone will come along and notice. These are busy streets.

MAN A

Really? Busy streets?

MAN B

Well...

MAN A

If these are busy streets, why is he the second person we've seen in three hours?

MAN B

It must be an off day. Is it a holiday, perhaps?

MAN A

If it was a holiday, I think we'd know.

MAN B

We never get holidays.

MAN A

Well, yes... that's why we'd know. We'd be keenly aware of the fact that we were not, as it were, on holiday, when, well... you know... everyone else in the bleeding universe was.

MAN B

Universe?

MAN A

Maybe not. How about "principality"?

MAN B

That word has an antiquated sound to it.

A pause.

MAN B

In any case, he is dead, and we are not, and I am ready for my sandwich.

MAN A

Oh.

MAN B

Oh?

MAN A

The sandwiches. I...

MAN B

Come on, out with it!

MAN A

I seem to have left them in the car. I'm terribly sorry.

MAN B

(Sighing.)

Well, we'll just have to go and get them, I suppose.

He begins to get up.

MAN A

Look!

MAN B

What?

MAN A

That woman with the cocker-spaniel! She's discovered the body!

MAN B

(Looking through binoculars.)

Half-right. Someone has discovered the body, but it's a man in a priest uniform.

MAN A

A priest?

MAN B

It's too early for Halloween, so... signs point to maybe.

MAN A

A priest! Fancy that!

MAN B

Ahem. Sandwiches...

MAN A

Fine. Hand me the gun, will you?

They start collecting their things and begin heading towards the exit.

MAN B

We'll just have to climb right back up here, you know.

MAN A

You don't have to remind me. My knee is already acting up from this morning!

MAN B

I thought that meant rain?

MAN A

It has many meanings. None of them clear.

MAN B

Inscrutable.

MAN A

Quite.

They exit.

THE END



     fragments
assassins, roof, and weird
4370 words, 24 minute read