read watchmen. just do it. it’s one of the best graphic novels i’ve ever read. pretty long but very much worth it.
not feeling particularly confident about that girl, which to me is usually a bad sign. or perhaps a self-fulfilling prophecy. i’ve sort of got myself in this loop now where i can’t stop myself from turning things over and over in my mind, and it’s starting to feel like i’m so messed up in the head right now that i won’t be able to settle down enough to actually find a healthy place from which to actually be able to relate to other human beings. it’s like i’d have to find someone willing to completely overlook my crazy and trust that there’s something there worth waiting around to see.
all my friends are like “just do ____.” and “_____.” usually involves being more confident than i feel, or behaving in ways that just don’t make sense to me, and i say “no, i’m just going to keep doing things the way i do them,” and they say “yeah, because that’s working really well for you.”
well, it used to work just fine.
it pisses me off when people tell me that you have to be “fake” to find someone. i don’t care if that’s how they met their significant other, that’s not what i do. every time i have ever met someone it was because i was realer than normal, more in myself.
or people come up to me and they’re like “dude, you should totally hook up with that girl erin. she’s totally in love with you,” and i always say “no,” because this upsets me. i know erin likes (or has liked) me that way. i wish people would stop encouraging her. why? because i realized a long time ago when i seriously considered going after erin that i wasn’t doing it for the right reasons. i felt like i should be with her, as opposed to wanting to be with her, and i realized that if i did date her it would be because i pitied her, or because i was using her, and neither of those are particularly good reasons to date someone, especially when that someone is a very nice person whose feelings you don’t want to hurt.
but for some reason this is hard to explain to people. so i just say “no,” and don’t bother.
